What women wish men knew about sex!

What women wish men knew about sex and what men wish women knew!

Ever wish you came with a set of instructions that you could just hand over to your lover?

Well, here’s some basics for starters. Feel free to customise!


The more you tell me how sexy I am, in and out of bed, the sexier I will feel and be. If you tell me I’m boring or unadventurous, it makes me even less confident and likely to want to try new things.

It’s fine to suggest doing new things and I will try to indulge you if they’re appealing. But the more you keep harping on and on about something I’m really not up for, the less respect I have for you and less I feel like sex. It becomes a war of wills.

It’s not just you, by the way, that wants to try new things in bed. This is why I find it insulting when you say ‘I wish you’d do more to me in bed’. Don’t you think I’d like something a bit more original than your usual two second grab then straight to the main course? I get bored as well.

Don’t get paranoid when I do suggest trying something. You say you want me to be experimental but if your response is always ‘Who did you do that with and were they better than me?’, I’ll stop.

I like dressing up for sex as much as you like looking at me in sexy stuff. But let me choose the moment. If I feel fat or ridiculous, I’m not going to enjoy it. Let me pick the outfit and the time.

Talk to me and listen to me. The more we talk, the closer I feel to you and the more I trust you. The more I trust you, the more likely I am to drop my inhibitions.

I don’t need you to tell me if I’ve put on weight. Believe me, I am acutely aware of it. But do tell me when I’m looking good, especially if you know I’ve been on a health kick. Sad but true: even supermodels find fault with their bodies and need reassurance.

Get over the girl-on-girl thing. I know you have a thing about watching two women. It’s harmless and kind of amusing. What’s not amusing is you constantly asking me to do it. Let me reassure you: the second I’m even the teensy-weensiest bit bi-curious, I’ll let you know. No need to keep asking.

Touch me half as hard as you like to be touched yourself. My skin is thinner and more sensitive than yours. What feels normal to you, often hurts me. Ask me what feels good. Read my body language. If I pull away from your touch it means go softer, if I move towards it, it means go harder.

Smell nice. I don’t mean over-sanitise yourself so you drown the naturally sexy and distinctive scent of your body. Just make sure you don’t reek of cigarettes and curry or garlic, all covered up with (the ultimate turn-off) bad aftershave.

The more housework you do, the more I will feel like sex. I’ll be less tired and will feel more like an equal partner than a slave.

Don’t try to show off by switching techniques all the time. It’s annoying not impressive. Ditto changing position.

Don’t assume I only want romantic sex. I like mixing it up just as much as you do.

Wait until we know each other properly before suggesting something a little out there. When you do, make it clear it’s still me you want to make love to, it’s not all about your ‘thing’ and that I don’t have to agree if I don’t want to.


Every time a woman looks in the mirror and thinks, ‘Do I look fat in this?’ a man looks down and wonders ‘Am I big enough?’. You aren’t the only one with insecurities.

Sex is much more than a physical act for me. I also use it to express love. Sometimes I find it difficult to express emotion and sex is a way of getting physically close to you.

When you reject sex with me, I feel like you’re rejecting me as a person. Don’t stop being affectionate just because you don’t want sex.

My sexual system is different than yours. I need you to tell and show me specifically what you want so I can understand your body properly. Please don’t expect me to mind-read: we’ll both end up frustrated and disappointed. Say I rub the wrong bit and you think I’m an idiot?

You aren’t the only one who can fake orgasms and I do it for all the same reasons you do. If I’m tired and know I won’t climax, or had too much to drink, sometimes it’s easier to fake it than explain.

Don’t be insulted if I don’t rise to the occasion every single time – especially at the start. The hotter you are and the more I like you and want to impress you, the more anxious I get.

My bits are out there, not hidden like yours. If the equipment doesn’t work when I most desperately need it to, it’s humiliating. I can’t fake excitement like you can. I might be able to fake an orgasm but I can’t fake an erection. And that’s all before I’ve even had time to worry about it ending too soon or what’s going on with you and your bits.

Just because I want to try new things, doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re sexy. Don’t take it as an insult. I just need and want variety.

I’m a visual person. I like to look at sexy things. There’s nothing sinister about me looking at the odd bit of porn. I don’t make a fuss about you reading erotic novels.

Stop worrying about your body. It’s great that you take care of yourself but please stop stressing about the wobbly bits. I focus on the parts I love, not the bits you hate.

On the topic of your body, I know it’s a cliché but I do love it when you wear sexy underwear. It’s foreplay for my eyes. The only thing better than you dressed in Agent Provocateur is when you add a pair of high heels.

I understand that we don’t always want sex at the same time or the same amount. But it really helps if you don’t just say no, you say when it might be possible.

I know your sex drive is affected by your monthly cycle. But can you give me a bit of a heads up as to when is the right time to make a move? Let’s make the most of that time, rather than focus on when you don’t feel like it.

When you act like you’re only have sex to please me, it makes me angry and disappointed. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. It’s really nice when you initiate sex. It makes me think you like it as much as I do.

I know you have fantasies, just like I do. As much as I don’t necessarily want to hear about ones involving other people (I’m already paranoid you fancy my best mate more than me!), I love hearing what turns you on.

I know you have a vibrator so why hide it in the drawer? Take it out and take the pressure off me. But please let it be a nice, small, discreet model.

Can we have sex anywhere but in the bedroom? And if that’s not possible (kids, your Mum staying over), can we at least skip the bed?

Source: Tracy Cox/

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